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September 18, 2017

Well then, let me try to get back on track. I woke up to the sound of rain in the middle of the night. It's been so long, it took me a minute to identify it. Then this morning the fire danger had been reset to low. Thank goodness! I hope it helps to put out the fires raging around the state.
I chatted with Jaymie again this morning and we are looking forward to getting together next week for dinner and company. I'm planning another open house on National Card Making day- October 7th. That will also be fun.

I had a lovely lunch with Jana today. Then we went directly into the all college meeting. Our new dean hit exactly the right note between doom and gloom deficit picture and the potential opportunities. She made it a collaborative challenge and sang glowing praises for the innovative programs we have. It was very well done! When I got back to my desk I found a 25% off coupon for the Eugene Ballet's performance of Mowgli. So I bought my ticket and I'm super excited to go (It premiered in Eugene in 2013 so I was excited to see it come back) . After work I talked to Jay and discovered that I'll get to see him in October. I did some grocery shopping and laundry tonight. I also made a couple of cards for the SoM.

Oh and mom and dad visited an alpaca farm and mom's bringing me yarn!


Sep. 18th, 2017 09:28 am
hlmauera: (Default)
This is the post I posted Saturday night when I got home.  I was so tired and discouraged.

"I also quite clearly realized that once Durin and Ceridwen step down, there really isn't anyone who will care much if I'm there. I have no meaningful role to fill- I can't work hard enough to be anything special. Some people already look at me like I'm something they scraped off their shoe. I used to think I was a good attendant but today I realized that's not really true. I don't have the youthful energy and enthusiasm to put on the show with all it's pomp and circumstance. I was shoved out of my role several times by people who wanted to do it better and I let them. As an introvert with no particular skill and very little time to devote to learning a new one, I'm just dead weight. The SCA will be fine without me."

I thought on it quite a bit yesterday and posted:

"I was very tired and discouraged yesterday. I don't intend to completely leave the SCA yet but life requires more attention, so time I can give the SCA will be limited. This limit makes it less satisfying because I also can't give the time needed to become expert in any art. Being a generalist is not very respected in the SCA- I don't make flashy garb, paint beautiful images, weave lovely trim, make weapons or other obviously noticeable items. What I do is make well fitted, sturdy, useable period garments and give my time and resources as best I can to support events and people. I know how to do many things but don't have the time to devote a lot of time to things that are not strictly practical.
I also am not very good at being social or gregarious. So I tend to fade to the background, which makes me easy to ignore or overlook. While I understand the why, it's still incredibly hard to feel alone in such a crowd. Hence the discouragement."

Jonna replied to this:

"I suppose the question becomes, why are you there? To get noticed? To be in the foreground? To socialize and enjoy stepping out of the real world for a bit? To serve because you like to serve? To have a chance to make pretty things? It seems maybe you need to assess the "why" of the SCA for you, and what you want out of it. I liked doing the pretty things, and I had a talent for dealing with the mechanics of the admin...but ultimately found that I enjoyed doing that more (and for more satisfaction from) doing it in the real world. Thinking about the "why" may help you decide if the SCA is the place to find that satisfaction. Interestingly enough, you were doing quite well with positive posts....right up until you went to an event."

A reply to my original from Godwyn/Forrest helped me to focus a bit:

"There were several times throughout the day yesterday that I would wonder for a second if their highnesses were being taken care of and then I remembered you were there and didn't worry about them anymore because I knew you would be taking care of anything that came up."

This struck such a happy cord that I realized that it hit a the crux of the issue.

Intellectually, I have always loved the learning and making part of our game. I also love the connection with people that I've created. But emotionally, I think Godwyn hit it on the head for me. I want to be a person that people know they can rely on. I want have a place and be important, not in a "look at me" kind of way, but in the way of a pillar of support. I think that's why feeling pushed aside and feeling like I had no place made me so discouraged.

Jonna reminded me that to be that type of pillar takes a time commitment which is a conundrum with where I currently am in life.   I just don't have a lot of time to spend.  I have to be realistic in my expectations when that is the case.  She told me to "be kind" to myself.  I'm not so good at that.  I have such high expectations of myself, I think I should be able to do it all- but really, it's not possible.  There will be more pondering and cogitating on this matter I think.

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September 11, 2017

I had a blood draw this morning in preparation for my annual doctor's visit next week. I got to spend a little extra time in reading and quiet meditation. The technician did a marvelous job. She got me in one stick in my elbow...I don't remember the last time I didn't have to have a butterfly in my hand to give blood. People are trickling back from summer vacations and it's nice to see more friendly faces again.

Hmmm... maybe two Thai ice teas was a bit too much caffeine. I feel jittery. I'm keeping my mouth shut though because last time I had too much caffeine I was quite verbose in a Squirrel on coffee kind of way (Hoodwinked).

Noon time positives....I got into the HEDA Salesforce sandbox at least temporarily and have been able to work on some training today. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the scope of this project but this does help some. People are amusing: Air quality observation from Alan Roberts: Looks ok today. Tomorrow, it will reach "3 packs of unfiltered camel cigarettes a day" level. By the weekend, it will probably be back at "assisted suicide" levels. Also I got a lovely affirmation from an unexpected place person today and it was a real mood lifter. My boss lit into me this morning about not telling her I was going to be late and then had to do a little back pedaling when she realized that she hadn't checked where she'd told us to post our leave. There was no apology but I'll take my satisfaction where I can get it.

I enjoyed a quiet night. I spent some time making cards using the new Christmas Quilt bundle. I made three cards total, all of which I like. I also finished all the HEDA training. It has been a sober day of remembrance as well. There have been lots of posts of Sept 11, 2001,  that day we never want to forget but don't really like to remember either.

September 12, 2017

I am so thankful for a sweet friend who has been offering advice and encouragement and who checks in with me almost daily. I hope I am as encouraging to her as she is to me.
I have a meeting with my Salesforce advisor in a few minutes to discuss the project in the terms my dean needs to see. I'm overwhelmed and having trouble figuring out how to get started. I'm hopeful that he can give me some direction and he was super about getting back to me as soon as he knew I was drowning.
I'm glad I have a coworker who is willing to listen to me trying to figure out what to do next.

I spent a good portion of the day working on a work flow diagram recommended by my Salesforce advisor. It's progress anyway. It's also amazingly complex. So far the people I've run it by think it makes sense. Yeah me! So many issues have been sorted out today that I wasn't originally involved in but had to solve. I'm good at that. I'm irritated about some things but I'm chosing to address it with humor instead of anger. This has lead to some fun exchanges with coworkers who understand.

Tonight we made jerky for Trudi Trudchen Stuber and calculated whether the lowest lottery would be enough to pay off the mortgage and live off of (no). Of course we'd have to buy tickets first. Barring a lottery win we comforted each other on the difficulties inherent in each other's jobs. It doesn't fix anything but it's nice to have sympathy given. Then I dropped off some snail adhesive refills with my mom and helped her set up her new Charge 2 Fitbit. When I came home I worked on cards for a couple of cousins. Doing for others helps take my mind off my own worries.

September 13, 2017

Good morning, I woke up with a hymn in my heart and that always makes the day start well. It's Wednesday and we are halfway through the week. I decided last night just to let this job stuff roll. I have a job, I will continue to have a job in all likelihood. I have no idea what all it will consist of but I know I'll be working on Salesforce and otherwise filling in with other tasks I've probably done before. All the angst and anxiety about my PD just isn't worth it. If, when I get done with the big push on Salesforce, my other duties are not what I want, I can look for another job. Or maybe things will sort themselves out in the mean time. There is no sense borrowing trouble or stealing joy from today by worrying about tomorrow. I realize that this is easy to say and not so easy to do but I'm working on it.
I was blessed by yet another sweet, short, text conversation with Jaymie who keeps helping me put things in perspective. I look forward to our morning "chats" so much now.

I tried a new shampoo and conditioner today. My hair feels great and looks good but I'm not very happy with the smell.  I'm going to try mixing essential oils with it to see if I can make the fragrance more likeable.

I had a lovely luncheon sitting on the patio by myself. It was quiet and refreshing. I've done a little more workflow mapping today and have talked to several people who have confirmed that it works so far for them. I've had lots of email requests but so far it's been a pretty low stress day.

The afternoon was busy and productive. I left on time and had plenty of time to make and eat dinner and walk to meeting. It was a wonderful meeting, as usual. I remembered to start the water when I got home from work so the front flowerbeds and the garden got watered. I finished all the seams on Ceridwen's tunic and the hems at the wrist. I only need to do the hem and attach the trim.

September 14, 2017

I posted some information about the biology of sex and engaged with some people in a respectful conversation about how that translates to biblical scripture.  It was informational really- because I've heard too many of my religious friends say disparagingly that sex is obvious at birth.  I wanted to make the point that it's really, really not.

Oh man. This day could die a fiery death so I'm hunting for positives while I try to breathe on my lunch break.
I guess I'm glad I'm needed. I'm not a 98 lb weakling so that emergency furniture move that has to happen immediately is something I can handle (not sure about the 500 lb table top but I'll figure it out- breathe!).
This morning I had a hymn on my mind again (337, Counted in, if you are curious). Anxiety levels are high today but at least I am aware and can address it more rationally.

I am tired- physically and mentally but I got almost all of the furniture moved and I got the help lined up to disassemble the one piece I couldn't manage. My new helper was impressed I was able to empty it out so quickly. I'm glad someone appreciates the work I do- really, not sarcastic. It's not my first rodeo here. I got to get a nice hug from a friend and catch up for a few minutes. It's good to remember that Tam is back on campus- we used to take walks together during the day when we worked together. Maybe we can do that again once in a while. She had some solid advice that I will work on. Now I'm debating whether I should go get sushi before I go home and sew or whether I should just go home and have a cheese quesadilla for dinner. Sushi sounds good but it's definitely more expensive. I can afford it right now.

Well it's a little late but I just finished Ceridwen's tunic a day early! I discovered today how great a support network I have. They can't fix things but they support me through them. It's seriously larger than I imagine especially when I'm down I really appreciate all of them. I got to see my mighty hunters at work. Simon brought in a huge moth from the garage and, of course let it get away. Have no fear though, after much romping, stalking, and caterwauling by both cats, Helix successfully caught, and ate it.

September 15, 2017

Well, today I find out what my job is going to be. I've decided to try to not stress about it. As Tam Belknap told me yesterday- there will be something about the job I like. I just have to find it. It should all be fairly familiar as well unless something dramatic happens which I'm not expecting. I do have butterflies. I'm going to be fairly busy between now and my meeting though so no dwelling on it. Yeah for the end of ambiguity.

It's Friday, anyway! Since I finished my sewing last night, I have time tonight to do whatever I want after I get my stuff together for the event.
That may mean mowing, but you know- I like the look of a fresh mowed lawn and it doesn't take too long.

Yeesh! That was a lot of angst for a whole lot of nothing. My position really hasn't changed that dramatically but they actually have added some decision making responsibility, just in different ways. There is a lot of streamlining so somethings I won't be doing, just because they don't need doing any more. More later, I have to go move furniture again.  OUCH! I just got my fingers stuck underneath three table tops. I don't think anything is seriously damaged but I may lose a fingernail and have some good bruises. I currently have lines across my fingers in two places.  But all the furniture has been moved.

I had a nice lunch with a coworker today. We got all the furniture moved and I got the attic space organized. My meeting with my supervisor went fine. There were no major changes, not even the ones I expected. She did encourage my input and will continue to work on it with the feedback I've given her. She also wants me to continue to think on it and we'll meet again in a couple of weeks. She also assured me that everyone is feeling the strain of the ambiguity and change. I think it was her way of telling me to toughen up but it worked all the same.

September 16, 2017

I got out the door on the dot of 6:30 which was exactly when I wanted to leave.  Then I got to have Chai to speed my on my way.  The event is 2 hrs and 54 minutes away and I want to be there no later than 9:30.  It's a fairly easy drive down i-5.  I've packed a lunch but don't have much else.  I'll be busy so I won't be posting mid day.

Such an interesting and mixed day today.
I was watching Sverre on the field as marshal interacting with the fighters and the royalty and I realized quite clearly, he's ready. Apparently the counsel and crown agreed because he's on vigil for knighthood now.

The impromptu bardic circle was lovely to listen to. I didn't know the music so I couldn't really sing along but it was fun.

I appreciate Vestia Antonia Aurelia popping by several times with hugs and kind words today. I have met some wonderful people in the SCA.

There are emotional and touching moments at these events, like Durin cutting off pieces of his belt today to give to fighters in the list (He's assuming it's his last reign- five is about enough) and awards given that thrill and surprise the hearts of the recipients. Beautiful moments!

I am struggling to figure out what to do with the SCA in my life.  I don't have enough time for everything and I don't know that the SCA needs me.  I posted a whole angsty post about it which doesn't fall into the being positive posts but I may post in a separate post.

September 17, 2017

It's raining finally!  They are expecting a drencher of a system to be here in the PNW for the next 1-2 weeks.  I'm so glad, we need it to put out all the fires and clear the air.

I had a quiet day. When my alarm went off it made me cry, literally. I had a headache, my stomach hurt and I ached all over. So I called and let people know I would be staying home, took some anti inflammatories, and went back to sleep for 3.5 hours. When I woke again my head felt a little better and my stomach issue resolved itself. I still ache tonight but I'm guessing that it's the weather change causing that. I decided to slice up the pile of tomatoes and get them on the dehydrator. Then I worked on finishing the tunic I had carried with me yesterday. When I finished it, I did my dishes and made up some food for the week. Then I was able to sit and knit. I maybe should have made some cards but my brain isn't working creatively today. Now I'm going to put the clean clothes away and go to bed.

I sure missed meeting this morning.  I needed to sleep off the headache and other issues but I could have used the uplifting of the spirit.  I'm glad I feel that way.  I'd worry about my own spirit if I didn't.

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September 8, 2017

I'm a little behind on my posts today- meetings and projects got in the way. I had a lovely conversation with my SIL last night and an email this morning from my brother telling me he's excited to see me in November. I had another RSVP for my open house. I had another encouraging text from Jaymie this morning. I have been busy all day, which makes the day go quickly. There is a new ordering system coming online that looks like it will be really handy for many things. Excel may hate me, but I won in the end. I'm looking forward to the weekend!

This video absolutely cracked me up and made me feel old at the same time.

This evening has been dreadful and I think I turned the air blue a couple of times. However, I stopped, ate some dinner and sat for a while. Then Mom came to help and things smoothed out. I think I'm ready for tomorrow.

September 9, 2017

This was another video that made me smile!

It's been a really awesome day! I struggled a bit to get going but I managed to get out and cut some dahlias for bouquets as well as organize and chorale my scraps by color family before my first guest arrived.

I had four (and a half) people come to my open house and we had fun. I taught the method of making the lighthouse image in about 15 minutes. It might have been a fast demo but the idea was to show you can make awesome art in just a few minutes. The child had so much fun playing with the punches and making drawings with them it was adorable. Her mom ended up ordering some supplies to make Halloween cards with the kids.
My house is looking pretty good, although I need to sweep under the side tables and love seat, I discovered.
My soup turned out well and was quite hardy.
I used 10 4.25" x 5.5" pieces of designer paper and coordinating card stock to make 20 simple cards, which I finished this evening after mom and I had restored the house to its normal order and she had gone home.
I worked on sewing after that while I watched a British building show on Netflix.
Really! Good people, good food, good environment, and fun projects. It was amazing!

September 10, 2017

My friend Marian (blue hair) is at Rose City Comic Con as a vendor.  It's her first really big Con and she was nervous.  I found out my first boss and long ago friend was also there and sent her to see her stuff.  They sent me this picture:


The day was mostly consumed by a nap! I had a lovely meeting and lunch then came home to take a nap. Woke up at 3:30 and couldn't get the fuzz out. I tried working on a card for the Stamp of the Month card but after making the same mistake three times in a row I decided to just finish the card as is and call it a day. But I got one card done and I worked on some hand sewing thereafter.


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September 6, 2017

Morning positives: I have lovely nails that don't require polish (I need to remember that before the manicure next time since it only lasted about 10 hours).
The smoke has lifted a bit but I was able to order masks online when the local stores were all out. They should arrive tomorrow.
Some places in Oregon have gotten a little bit of rain and the winds in the gorge have shifted so the fire isn't running as fast.
I have friends who send encouraging and spiritual texts once in a while.

Multinomah Falls seems to have escaped the worst of the fire.  The lodge was also saved:

Thank goodness for these firefighters.

I had a good conversation with our ADR about how to handle my current situation. She had some good ideas and now I need to do some hard work to make my future better. I'm glad she is my friend as well as our Associate Dean.
I had a nice bahn mi sandwich and a good book to read at lunch.
It's been nicely cool today which helps make the air feel better even if it's not.

Good meeting tonight, as usual. We were very small in number but that didn't change the spirit. I have several RSVPs for Saturday! Yeah!! Im planning lunch and wondering what sorts of things people will want to do. I'm looking forward to that. I cleaned out the dishwasher tonight so I won't accumulate a sink full of dishes that have to be cleaned by Friday night.

September 7, 2017

It rained enough overnight to make my car muddy but it seems to have cleared the skies just a little. I got a very nice harvest of green beans this morning. I've been fretting about the work the ADR told me to do, it involves a conversation with the dean. I have been concerned about the outcome but I realized this morning that the worst possible outcome is just that nothing changes. I won't be any worse off if that happens than I am now. I suppose the Dean could take exception but I really doubt that will happen and really, again, the outcome isn't much different than things are now. I'd be thinking about looking for a new job. So, I need to just do it and quit fretting- fretting doesn't do any good anyway.

I had a lovely lunch at Mongolian Grill with Sara Dancer. It was nice to see her. It's been a while. Mongolian grill is also a lovely place to eat with good food and a CLEAN bathroom (smells clean). I can adjust my food to meet my dietary restrictions there. Had a fun conversation with my coworker after lunch. Lots of giggles and I finally fixed my inbox so that it doesn't fall down any more, maybe. It's amazing what you can do with a rubber band and two paperclips.

I got this cute picture of the Godson who apparently felt the need to cuddle into the dragon blanket I made him.

I'm feeling great this evening. I don't know why but I'm not going to question it. Perhaps it's this little guy (below). I fell in love with him today. I found goat and sheep's milk cheese at Trader Joe's for significantly less than Market of Choice. It's different brands but it's the difference between $25 for cheese or $100 for cheese (it's about a lb of cheese). It's worth a try! I got a new laser level today. My old one drained somehow so there was no water to float a bubble. I keep trying to put up these shelves but I've been trying to charge the battery on the wrong drill for several days. Now I that I have the correct one plugged in we might get somewhere. I'm cleaning house in preparation for my open house but it's really not too bad. A little tidying and a quick sweep, mop, and toilet scrub and I'll be ready.

My coworkers think he needs a name.

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August 31, 2017

I believe that I managed to stay under my calorie goal yesterday! Yeah me! I got my laundry put away before I went to bed instead of leaving it laying on the chair in the living room. It improves the look of the room quite dramatically.;) It's payday! I'm treating myself to lunch. I will have to watch serving size but I should be able to eat what I want.

I'm looking at options for our Faculty and Staff Fitness classes. I can't take the noon classes any more due to restrictions on my schedule. It gets a little complicated in the evenings because I can't do MWF because of meeting on Wednesday and I can't do TR because of my commitment to Marian and Trudi on Tuesday. But they allow mix and match so I could do a MRF. I'm thinking about doing a therapeutic Yoga on Monday, Thursday I could do Cardio dance, or Fusion. Friday I could do Aerobic Machines or something called Functional fitness which doesn't have a description yet. The Friday options are also available on Monday but I'd like to do some yoga for stretching one day a week. Variety is good too but I'm wondering if I will get confused without being there the two or three days a week each of the classes is offered.

I had a lovely lunch with a coworker. I'm loving the sarong that I'm wearing that I got in Hawaii. I talked with a couple of coworkers who are interested in maybe doing the fitness classes with me.

I got the dahlias and roses deadheaded and new hummingbird food out for the General and company. There are nine quarts and a pint of grape juice. I canned it as is with no sugar added so hopefully that will be ok.


September 1, 2017

The undergraduate students started today. I did their Taskstream orientation this morning. They are so earnest and excited. It's fun to work with them.
I grabbed the bull by the horns and sent an email to my supervisor and Dean about a change I was told about yesterday that I was really upset about because there had been no conversation about it taking place. I really would rather ignore it and frankly I told someone it was probably easier to get a new job than to have that conversation. But I faced it and I did it in a way that was more comfortable for me. (I'm proud of myself so it's a positive, but I hated doing it so it's not a positive...I'll take the positive)
I picked a handful of fresh green beans this morning and I'm happy to finally have them. I didn't plant as many so I may get just enough to eat in a meal once in a while- which is nice because canning in this heat is not so fun. We have a ban on open flames so I can't use my summer kitchen.

I enjoyed my lunch with SueAnn today. We talked about the fitness classes and I got some good advice- avoid fusion, my back won't handle it. But there are still three different classes I could take so that's good.
I'm looking forward to going to the dahlia festival tomorrow. It will probably be a bit warm but we are going in the morning to try to beat the heat. Mom and I are inventorying our dahlias tonight and tomorrow to determine what we actually have so we can make our order at a discount.

5+ trays of tomato slices shrink down quite a lot. Boy, they are rich tasting though.

Needy shoulder kitty. And that turned into this.

At the end of the day I was productive- maybe more so than the rest of the day. I paid the bills; packed up the dried tomatoes; and did a visual comparison of the dahlias so that I know what I have. Now I am prepared with a list for tomorrow.
My kitty has been very cuddly.
I love my quesadilla for dinner!

September 2, 2017
Headed out to the Dahlia festival. A second look this morning discovered that there were a couple of dahlias I thought hadn't come up that had. I was also able to identify a couple that didn't have blooms on them when I looked before. Oh and rest stops are a marvelous invention. So are big floppy hats on hot days.

It's been a good day but I've got a headache preventing word flow. Dahlia festival was awesome, as usual. I replaced some tubers I'd lost and got some new ones. There was a whole lot of high calorie bad for me food but it was tasty. There was fresh made caramel popcorn. I was restrained but enjoyed it. When I got home I couldn't put my craft room back together the way I planned but I managed to make three cards anyway. I've wanted to go to bed since seven and now I get to.

September 3, 2017

Silly cuddly kiddies keep me occupied and not thinking about negative things. I had a quesadilla for breakfast- I'm not sorry. It tasted great! I'm thankful for being reminded that I need to manage my free time better- less screen time more time doing.

Positives afternoon and evening edition: I had a nice lunch with my parents after a wonderful meeting. Then I went to Jerry's for shelving ideas. While there I got the shelves I needed and ran into Eric Cunningham who helped me estimate what redoing my porch would cost. It's within budget so that's great! And it was nice to visit with him for a moment. Preliminary shelf placement looks like this idea will work but the battery on my drill needs to charge so I'll have to put them up later. Instead I got caught up on my cards and worked up 20 cards from a kit. It's lovely to have a few cards in stock. Laundry is finishing up and I feel like it's been a productive afternoon.

September 4, 2017

I forgot to post positives today.  I was pretty busy but there were positive things.  I was able to drop off some wool to be made into tunics for Durin and Ceridwen- some sewing I don't have to do.  I had sushi for lunch and it was yummy!  My house is not perfectly clean but it's not going to be too big a stretch to get it ready for the open house on Saturday. I got a tunic made for Ceridwen, had a fitting with her, and had the material and time to adjust it before heading to bed.  The meant I also got a visit with Durin and Ceridwen.  I recorded the rectangle sizes this time and so I should be able to replicate it.

September 5, 2017

Welcome to the willamette valley 2017 fire season. I could hardly see across the street today. (Yes I know this mask doesn't do a lot of good but it's better than nothing)

It's really hard to be positive when watching so much around us burn. And in Texas, they have too much water causing chaos. But I suppose this is when it's most important. So here we go: So far my home is not in any danger, nor are most of my family. Even Marissa in Katy seems to have escaped the worst of the flooding. I am wearing a mask today which is marginally helpful and something perhaps not available in other parts of the world. I had a lovely lunch of leftovers punched up a bit with more peanut sauce. Food and supplies are still fairly abundant in our area, in fact, aside from the smoke and the news, you could possibly forget the fires. I found out that thing I was concerned about at work really was some sort of oversight or miscommunication. I finished sewing up the seams of a tunic for Ceridwen last night. Now it's on to the hand finishing. But that's progress. Everything is temporary. That's sometimes a relief.

Pampering night with the girls (Marian and Trudi) we had dinner and then got mani/pedis. The technicians asked us how long we'd been friends. We looked at each other blankly. Marian and Trudi figured almost 30 years and I think I'm in at about 15-17 years! Wow! How did that happen? I'm so thankful for our friendships; we can be silly and zany or studious and productive, but we help keep each other sane. We are usually a little more frugal when we are together but this was just needed tonight. Marian posted pictures of her cats eye nails.

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August 30, 2017
I took a personal/sick day today.  I was simply exhausted yesterday and then woke this morning to a sore throat and GI issues.  So I decided to stay home.  The idea was to rest but I realize that what would make me feel best was getting a few things done so that they aren't hanging over my head.
I'm very glad to have this done! Dehydrating tomatoes this year. My Italian seasoning is a little old but I added some basil that I dried this year. I was worried I wouldn't get it done before the tomatoes spoiled.  I ended up with 5 full trays plus a little.

I had pretty little birdies at the feeder this morning. I don't know what they are but they're masked in white. Too big for chickadees and the wrong color and markings for Juncos. I was able to tidy up the kitchen table which helps the house feel cleaner. The laundry is done I had to make more detergent but it's fairly simple. I do it in two steps so it's not too time consuming at any given time. It's really cheap too.

I have a ton of grapes. I filled the sink and my huge metal bowl. They are mostly green grapes but I had one cluster of purple on the other plant.

I put all of these through the steam juicer and canned the juice. I ended up with 9 quarts and one pint.  I'm not sure what I'll so with it yet.  I didn't add any sugar so I'm not sure how long it will last.

I walked to meeting tonight to get some extra steps and a few extra calories. The air is much clearer so I could do that. Diet soda is helping to fill the gaps with fizz while I adjust to the calorie reduction.

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August 29, 2017

Cooler mornings bring hot tea with Hazelnut almond creamer. The gray squirrels are out with their beautiful silver tails flipping about. They are cute to watch as long as they stay in their proper places and don't get into human spaces (i.e. Marian's basement). An article came across my feed this morning for books that take place in the PNW. There were a couple that sounded interesting and I added them to my list. There are cute memories of Lilly on my feed this morning too.

Ali, is still very protective of Lilly but now Lilly has a puppy of her own (Mastiff/Lab). Here they are now- Lilly is helping Chester dig for the gopher that my brother wishes they would both just leave alone instead of putting holes under the patio.  Look at those puppy feet- he still has a way to go before he grows into them completely.

I decided to look into some career/job counseling and asked for recommendations on FB.  Not much has materialize, except the the local community college provides that service.

I had a nice quiet evening with Trudi Trudchen Stuber and Marian Harris. Marian is prepping her stuff for her booth at ComiCon so we helped her with her business cards and pricing. Then I got to climb a ladder and pick the plums. The smoke has lifted quite a bit and that's fantastic. My friends and family in Texas are all above water and otherwise ok so far.

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August 28, 2017

Facebook seems to have eaten my morning post. However, I had a lovely cup of tea this morning, was able to address some direct requests from the new dean in a very rapid fashion, and took care of some other requests quite efficiently.

Goodreads friends give prime ground for finding book recommendations. It's great fun to look at what others are reading and find some gems that appeal. I also had four credits on audible so I got 4 books that were totally new to me. At least two are part of series so, if I like them, I can read on. I got "The apple orchard," "The forgotten seamstress," "Seven Sisters" and "The secrets of Wishtide." I wasn't looking for too much heavy reading. There were other books added to my "maybe later" file.
I ate my lunch- the one I packed and was satisfied, if not overwhelmed by glorious flavor. It turns out there are plenty of calories in that lunch.
I feel quite content today. I've been able to address some things that people needed and haven't felt endangered or attacked, much.

We have terrible air quality right now from all the smoke. After breathing it all day I didn't feel much like doing anything. However, I did get all the laundry done and I'm very glad for the filters on the heat pump keeping the cool air somewhat cleaner than the outside air. I enjoyed some knitting time tonight instead of doing other things.

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August 24, 2017

Good morning! I did my dishes last night so I got up this morning to a clean sink and a relatively clean kitchen. I always feel better when the kitchen is clean. I really need a little time to do some more house cleaning but the spiritual house cleaning comes first this weekend. Tonight I get to pack to go out to Saginaw after work on Friday but it's a small pack so I will spend some time working on cards when I finish. I'm a little late with some but my family seem to love them whenever they arrive so it's all ok. I've enjoyed eating my leftovers from my convention prep this week but I'm also looking forward to Bahn Mi for lunch. The nice thing about leftovers is that I don't have to cook anything new, unless I want to. I noticed one of my camis seemed to have gotten wrapped up in something that left a shadowy stain all over it so I soaked it last night and it seems to be better. Yeah for home made solutions to stain removal!

Our student workers are on vacation so the receptionist and I are trading off late lunches to provide lunch coverage. Today was my day to go late and I was super hungry by 1:00. I got myself a bahn mi sandwich and that was the best tasting sandwich I've had in a long time. I'm not sure if was exceptionally well made or if hunger was the best sauce but it was fantastic. I'm also enjoying the quiet in a small corner of the MU away from work. The window next to me overlooks the quad and it's open a crack to let the breeze through. I'm also sipping on a Thai iced tea that also tastes excellent.

Apparently one of the keys to having a good day is to get away from the building for lunch and find a quiet place to recharge. Even the lunch room in the building doesn't give me the refresh that I got today.

I'm terribly disappointed tonight and contemplating canceling my trip to Dreamforce all together. But I'm not going to make any decisions while I'm so frustrated. I can be taught! Instead I'm looking forward to lunch with my coworkers tomorrow and then escaping to Saginaw for the weekend. I haven't had to think much about food because most of what I planned for last week still works this week.

August 25, 2017

Good morning! This morning I got to talk to Candace Eagle and hear that the boys are super excited for school. That makes me happy because it is good for them and easier for Jay and Candy.

We had a lovely conversation and I accidentally gave her something important to contemplate. We talked about how important it is that as a parent we (obviously parents in general, I'm only an auntie but it also applies) don't accidentally teach our children our biases, in this case, particularly about Math and or Science. It also applies to body positivity and consent. It applies in the broader sense too but that's a little harder.

I talked yesterday to my SIL about sending some books that are specifically about different cultures and languages in the world for Lilly. She's in agreement, but I think it's really important for people (starting with children) to be informed and educated about the world and cultures beyond their small niche. They can make informed and intelligent decisions that way. I suppose that's a "hazard" of working at a university. I also know that SIL has difficulty with Math so I send books about or incorporating math in a fun way as well.

I'd love to be able to send those kinds of books and books that encourage children in math and science to every child, especially those of us with privilege. I keep a list if anyone is interested. A lot of the books come from the mighty girl website but I have a list of multicultural books from work too.

I feel very privileged to be able to do this for my niece- I'd do it for my Godson's too if they are interested. (This is a big positive for me this morning)

I had a great lunch with my coworkers who are rapidly becoming friends. We joked about all being in the same ship- it might be sinking but we're in it together. I'm pleased to feel more settled and at peace this afternoon than I've felt in a while. I don't know what the future holds but I trust that there is blessing in it. I'm also very happy that kitten cams exist and that there are people like Foster Dad John who is so generous of his time and home to take in litter after litter of kittens and pregnant mamas (The Critter Room). Then he does the hard part of giving them up to loving homes. I haven't been able to do the last part, I tend to keep them all. ;) There are still good people in this world.

I love the peace and quiet here at Saginaw. There is a process of slowing and quieting that happens inside me when I arrive too. Then I'm surrounded by people who love and care about me. It feels wonderful.

August 26, 2017

Good morning! There are 12 little boys outside my window playing dodgeball with pinecones. They are being careful to avoid hitting the vehicles nearby and there is much giggling and boyish yelling. It would be easy to be annoyed by the noise but they are so precious. Their ages probably go from ~5-11

I couldn't decide which outfit to wear today, posts to Facebook were pretty evenly split. I ended up going with this one because it was cold and my shawl matched it and not the other. I had fish and fresh beans for lunch and ended up eating with a group of others who brought their own food as well. I enjoyed both the food and the company. Then I took a walk with my mom around the trails that go up the back side of the hill. I love that I enjoy spending time with my mom and that our conversations are fun and comfortable. I got to see Kayla Wright and meet her husband today also. I was remembering the day so many years ago when I looked down off the bridge into the old cafeteria to see this three day old baby being brought in by her parents. I ended up babysitting her and her brother for many years. Often once or more a week. Sweet memories are in this place and with these people.

August 27, 2017

Good morning. It doesn't photograph well but this dress makes me feel really cute. Last night I had a chance to have a lovely long talk with someone I've been trying to connect with for quite a while. I feel really close to her right now as our conversation was really personal and deep. I hope we can connect more in the near future but she has a young child and a busy spouse as well as a demanding job. It makes finding time more challenging. But maybe we can text each other at least. I'm looking forward to the day. I really don't want to go home but we can't stay at the feasting house forever, life must be attended to. I hope I have more and improved tools to do that. I am encouraged by a dear older lady who decided to make first steps last night. It simply filled me with joy that I hope to take with me this week. I am hopeful that I will be able to spend some time with her as she wants to do some sewing. I feel surrounded by and filled with love.


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This morning I have an appointment to talk about getting started with our Salesforce project. It's a big project so it will be nice to get started. I'm staring at gray walls and feeling kind of gray myself but I know you are all cheering me on and that helps. I've gotten several complements on my new Facebook profile picture. It's an old one but a favorite.

Noon time positives. SueAnn came back to my desk to tell me my dress was super-duper cute. My boss thanked me for getting some tricky information. My friend on Facebook are amazing. I posted that I was near tears and needed positive thoughts and so many people posted lovely things, including kitty pictures. I also spent a few minutes thumbing through Amazon for good kids books that I can add to the list of ideas that I keep for Lilly. Kids books are mostly an inherent pick-me-up.

Well I made it through the day. And, well really, that's 100% of my days so far. I made the effort to get down to Saginaw for meeting and was richly rewarded with exactly the messages I needed to hear again. I got to visit with Jasmine Brazill for a while, which was a nice treat. And now I'm laying in bed with a kitty stretched across me purring.

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 So far it's been a decent day.  It was overcast and cool this morning so that I needed a light coat.  The air carries hints of fall and that's exciting.  The world didn't fall apart while I was gone last week and I've caught up with most of the requests already.  I have a bright shiny new inbox so people quit dumping stuff wherever they think my inbox should be. I also have a shiny new label maker!

This morning someone asked me why I moved my office.  When I didn't reply right away she asked if it was a long story.  I responded that I am trying to be positive and it wasn't a story I could tell without a little bitterness.  So she said "Ok, I can help you be positive."  So I'm thankful for those who are trying to help and who support me, knowing it's not all roses. 
It's quite a pretty day again. I never get tired of the beauty of the natural world, although some days I don't see it. 
I appreciate the cheery attitude of our receptionist.  She's learning a lot of new things but she always has a smile and a greeting.
I finished the directions for the Stamp of the Month club for this month, finally and got them sent out.

I got into a bit of a funk at the end of the day but Marian Harris helped pull me out of it while we painted on fabric. Then I came home to kitties desperate for cuddles (and treats, who am I kidding?).  It's wonderful to come home; even if the house needs cleaning, it's my happy place.

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Good morning! It's eclipse day and, in fact, the partial eclipse should have started a few minutes ago. I am not in the path of totality and will not be driving that direction. My emergency alert has already gone off twice with warnings- high fire danger; stay off the grass & don't look at the sun without eclipse glasses. I have glasses but I'm not sure I trust them. I have a required day off so I'm being lazy this morning. I'll be working harder later but I'm enjoying a slow start. It is nice to have some extra time to do things today. The kitties think the only thing I should be doing is cuddling them. I'm thankful for the group of male friends I have that have been so good to help me out. Michael Bennett came back and fixed a hose he noticed had a leak when he so graciously went out of his way to come water my plants this week. He didn't have to do it but I appreciate it so much. Eric Cunningham house sat for me this summer when I'm sure it wasn't convenient. Jason Eagle made leg wraps for Durin at my request when he had other things to do. Chris Howerton helps often with my hauling and set up for SCA events even though he has ten times as much stuff to haul and set up for his own house. Thank you guys! I appreciate you all.

Apparently today is one of those days where I have time but no ambition. But, you know, that's ok. I don't have to be productive every minute of every day. I've managed to catalog all of my stamp and die sets by making copies of everything for a note book. I think I will enjoy the day with my knitting. If I get energetic I'll alphabetized the stamp sets.

It's the end of the day. We survived the eclipse! I got laundry done. I made a pattern for a dress- the original pattern has gone missing but I have the skills. I finished the second chart of my pretty as a peacock shawl. I alphabetized my stamp sets and put them into the appropriate baskets to be mounted on the wall. I made my Hawaiian crusted cod for dinner. All in all it's been a pretty good day.
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Good morning! I'm wearing one of my all-time favorite dresses today. It really needs heels but I don't wear heels and especially not on the Saginaw hills. I didn't make it but I found it and that's good enough. I'm supplementing with my favorite shawl for warmth but it adds grace to the outfit and it's so cuddly (baby alpaca).
I'm struggling a bit today because the thought of going back to real life fills me with trepidation. However, I know I have help for the battles that lie ahead and I need to put my trust in that.

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Good morning. It's slightly overcast this morning in Saginaw and it's a comfortable change. My skirt feels quite elegant and although it argued with me, my hair is nicely tamed. I'll have to work to not step on the hem when I go up and down the hill but it's worth it.

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Good morning! It's another beautiful day. My outfit makes me feel accomplished. I made the skirt and shawl. The shawl was made from a cone of wool found at goodwill for something like $3. It's quite warm for being so full of holes so I won't likely wear it in the heat of the day. Still I think the whole thing is lovely and an amazing color match.

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Good morning! What a beautiful morning it is- cool and bright! I'm sitting in the trailer with a cup of tea knitting on my pretty as a peacock shawl. I had a nice study time this morning and am enjoying the peaceful quiet. I watched a young man water down the roads with a fork lift and a couple of water tanks. The fire danger is still high so it's nice to see them making sure we are safe but it also keeps the dust down. We don't have to worry too much about fire because there are no open flames here but the cars need minding a bit.

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I'm enjoying a lazy morning with plenty of kitty cuddles and a little poofy tail wrestling. I'll need to get myself going soon but this has been quite peaceful and refreshing. I'll be headed out to Saginaw this afternoon for convention and probably won't be on here much. However, I know there is no place I feel better than at convention. The temperatures are predicted to be in the low to mid 80's which is a great deal better than the higher temps of a week or so ago. I can't wait to get there but that means I need to get started. Off I go!

Ooof! Still a lot to do but I'm quite happy today. I'm pleased with my selection of clothes. I found tops that go with each of my skirts which can be quite challenging but I had everything I needed in my closet. I have an abundance of clothes. I'm quite blessed to have that opportunity and since I love clothes it makes me happy to have such a selection.

I have arrived and unpacked in my trailer and, amazingly, my food all fit in the fridge. I had meat pie for dinner and, Marian Harris, it turned out much moister than last time so all the suggestions worked. Quite yummy. I for got a couple of things and most of all, I forgot to water my outside pots 😞. All ten of them need some water. Is there anyone that might be willing to stop by and put a hose on them for me? I'm going to have to be careful cooking because I forgot my apron. Still, I'm here, I've had good food, I've already had good conversations. *contented sigh*

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Today is my last work day of the week. I have a fairly quiet day planned for work. It was a lovely cool morning- I really needed a sweater this morning. I had someone I don't know like my Kristin Creates Cards page. That's fun, although I'm not sure where she came from, she's probably one of my friends friends.

The day is more than half over. I've done some productive work today and even got a thank you/affirmation note from a faculty member. I'm remembering a hug from yesterday from a friend who is also faculty who was almost in tears because she was happy to see me and it's been several months. I'm pleased that yesterday's note about the students cause such a heartfelt response in one of her parents. I think being positive is kind of contagious. When I am positive, it helps others to see some positive in their own lives, or it reminds them to look for it. In that I think this experiment has been totally worthwhile. But it's also doing good things for me so I'm going to keep it up.

Skirt four.

Skirt five. I added a close up of the fabric so you can sort of see the gold glittery lines around everything.


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It's only a two day week for me and then I'm off until the 22nd. I get an extra vacation day on Monday due to the eclipse. I'm looking forward to the rejuvenation and rest of convention. It's a quiet day today with only one meeting. That meeting will hopefully jump start the Salesforce build process. I get to buy groceries tonight to make food for convention. That's a privilege many don't have.

I got to have a surprise lunch with a friend today. It was great to catch up with her and with our other old coworkers through her. My meeting this afternoon went fairly well and I view it as a stepping off point for a new challenge. I have a sweet student worker who is willing to refill my water bottle for me. There have been so many years of student workers and I have a hard time remembering them all but I really miss Loni Hartman and Victoria Bonebrake. These girls became friends as well as student workers. There are others I miss as well but none I know quite as well as these two. It's a blessing to have the students around.

I got the fourth skirt completed tonight and started on the hand work for the fifth. Yeah for productivity! I got groceries and the girls are coming to help me make food with them tomorrow. Dad agreed to make me a potato salad, although I think mom actually made it. It's one less thing I have to do and his always tastes better than mine. It was a load of groceries but I had the money to spend on them. That's an improvement from my budget some months but also more than many many people could afford.

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