Dad is in Green Valley for rehab. No visitors are allowed in the facility but you can talk to him through the window in his room. However, Dad is very confused and we aren’t sure why. At one point he thought my cousin Harley was a CNA there and at another my nephew Jordan. (Anyone who knows Jordan would understand how unlikely a career choice this would be for him). Sometimes when we visit he’s perfectly clear and other times he’s beligerant, angry, or confused or a combination of all. We don’t really understand since this confusion is only happening since the surgery but hopefully it will clear.

He has fallen six out of the last seven days because he won’t wait for anyone to help him. Yes, he’s still stubborn. But he walked 25 feet in the parallel bars during PT so he’s making progress on strengthening.

His speech is often garbled. He’s having trouble opening his mouth and he tries to go too fast for his Parkinson’s mush mouth to keep up. If he slows down and speaks up you can usually at least piece together what he’s saying.

It’s so frustrating! For him especially-he knows he’s “mixt up” as he texted mom. Some days I visit with my Dad and sometimes I visit with my grandpa in his latter days (beligerant, angry and telling fantastical stories) and sometimes it’s a person I don’t recognize much at all.

Mom is also baffled but we are working with the nurse to see if we can figure it out. If we can clear his confusion, he’ll have a better chance of not falling and coming home sooner. At the moment, it’s looking like he may be in rehab for months, as long as he continues to make progress.

When I visited with him on Monday he was very clear.  Knew where he was and why.  Knew why we couldn't come in.  But he was mixed up on the time- day and night have flip flopped.  I guess when you have no schedule that happens. It's like taking a nap in the afternoon and not knowing if it's am or pm when you wake up.

Unfortunately, on Tuesday we got the message that the rehab facility has a positive COVID case.  That's scary in a huge way.  We can't take dad out, he's not capable of self care or motion yet and it takes two people to transfer him. 

Then mom wasn't feeling well but I think she's probably getting too much sun and not enough water and isn't taking care of herself like she should..

My anxiety is pretty high right now.

I made a little video of my garden this weekend: https://www.instagram.com/p/B_LBxlAntKO/

My parents came by to help me this weekend... I feel guilty but mom was 100% not concerned. I've been out about once a week during the "Stay Home Stay safe" order. We worked outside most of the day.  We ate together and mom went with me to buy lunch but that was all the contact we had. We've all been very careful to wear masks when we go to public places and washing hands carefully.  I hope it's ok.

We loaded the trailer with yard debris. Then took it to Lane Forest Products to dump and then refilled the trailer with 1.5 yards of compost (veggie boost) and I loaded up 5 20-gallon planting bags with hemlock bark.  I distributed the bark among 10 20-gallon fabric planters (1/3 full) and put a little on the back shade bed.  Then we topped of the garden beds and the bags with the compost.  It was a whole lot of shoveling.

I also got all the seedlings transplanted.  I'm going to have a ton of tomato plants which will need new homes.  I'm thinking about raising cucumbers hydroponically.  I don't have any luck normally.  It would be an experiment this year. I think I'll get two 18-gallon totes and fill them with water and food and put a cucumber at each end.  I want to make pickles!

I've got spring fever bad.  All I want to do is spend time in the garden but it's really too early to put plants in.  I'm also going to put weed barrier on the beds and plant through it.  It should last longer than the black plastic so it's a little more environmentally friendly. I got the idea from several homestead videos.  I've been making lots of plans but we'll see how it actually works out.  I'm doing a little more companion planting and I'm planning to prune the tomatoes this year and see how that works.  I've been watching way too many gardening videos but maybe I'll get a good harvest.

My dad's younger brother, Gary, passed away this morning at 2:33 am. He's been on Hospice care for the last three weeks. He had Parkinson's and related dementia. He died of sepsis due to a stubborn Clostridium difficile infection. It was the fourth go round with sepsis due to this infection. On hospice care they don't do the invasive care and there was a lot of discussion about this before the decision was made. The treatment of the infection was so difficult for him that he had no quality of life. It's a terrible decision to have to make. In the end, we are glad he is not longer trapped in a body and mind that didn't function for him but we are going to miss him so much. He had a great smile and laugh.
I took some time this morning and ran over to the veteran's home where he was living to participate in their honor walk and flag ceremony for him. There were a lot of tears. (if you are going to cry may I recommend you have something other than Vics vapor rub infused tissues!!) It's a touching ceremony. (https://photos.app.goo.gl/YFHwuyTYjd2Ph2ao6) It was made more so by being performed by two of his
caregivers.
I took pictures this morning but I want to remember him this way instead. (he's on the right- that's uncle Jim on the left)



The fears?  My dad is the older brother and also has Parkinson's which has turned him into an old man in just two years. I fear he's next and I just can't even contemplate it yet.

One of my long term goals is to be fit and maintain a level of fitness.  But the problem with that goal is that what "fit" means is different for every person.  So what are my measures of fitness?  How will I know that I am "fit?"
My measures are a little arbitrary but also involve flexibility and stamina.  My brother's would probably involve a deadlift weight but mine don't.  I don't honestly know if all of the measures are achievable for me at my age and with my injuries but I'd like to try to reach these markers.  So, in no particular order my measures are:
Run five miles
5 minute plank
10 pull ups
20 push ups
Splits three ways
Headstand
Handstand

This is not a short term goal.  At this point in my life, I'm lucky if I can run a couple of blocks.  But it's a place to start and way to measure progress.

What are your measures of fitness?

Last night I was in a room full of peers...the same people I'm with every Tuesday night- not because they are peers but because they are my friends.  I decided to ask the question that has been on my mind recently- are there PLQs that I'm lacking that are cause for concern.  The immediate answer was "NO!"  But then we talked about giving the appearance of confidence.  Karl said that I give the impression that I will break under pressure, although he knows I don't.  So I'm not sure what it is that I'm doing to do give that impression and he wasn't either.  Something to think about.  But generally I don't project an air of confidence which seems to be something people do look for.  So I need to work on that.  But from there the conversation moved to finding what makes me happy in the SCA.
Trudi asked me to think about when I was last happy and what I was doing.  I finally said, I don't know if I've ever been really happy, but I'm not unhappy.  Erica agreed that she also doesn't have a default setting for happy.  I hadn't thought about it much but quiet and content seems to be the best I get most of the time.  And I think that's ok.  However, I get more enthusiastic when I have a chance to get my geek on with costuming.  Currently, I'm finding that I'm paralyzed by projects.  First I have time constraints and second, I just don't know where to start.  I start thinking about making something and then that I start thinking about needing to dye fabric but I want to use a natural dye and I don't know what that should be but I know I don't have it....and around and around I go and nothing gets done.
Erica suggested I make a project map that would help me break it down into smaller chunks.  For that I have to actually decide on a finished project.  So for a first project I want a 12th Century German Bliaut. As I understand it, the German Bliauts were a little looser and did not lace on the side.  These were cut with rectangular construction.  I have the argument that with a center front gore, there would be a center front seam but the artwork of that time doesn't seem  to show seams. Still I cannot imagine someone weaving or purchasing a woven width of fabric and then cutting it in half. I think I will work on that premise unless someone convinces me otherwise.
But the step first:
Linen shift - Underdress- Bliaut- hair style- veil- shoes
Linen shift- shorter, rectangular construction, light weight linen (handkerchief weight).
Underdress- also linen but I would like to dye this with natural dyes- maybe use avacado skins and pits to get a nice pink color?  Need to figure out the mordant.  Or maybe black beans as a dye (http://www.mycrosspatch.com/blog/2016/06/10/natural-dyes-experimenting-with-black-beans/)? Or maybe I want to buy a prepared natural dye instead of trying to do it myself. (https://maiwa.com/pages/natural-dyes)
Should this dress be tighter more like the gothic fitted gown?  Should it provide support?  In that case, does it need to lace?  How is it embellished?
Bliaut- Linen or wool.  Document the color is achievable with natural dies since all my wool is already colored.  Should it be lined?  The sleeves must be.  Silk sleeves with linen lining, or all over linen lining or just linen lined sleeves?  Sleeve shape? It needs a belt that wraps twice around the body seems to be either leather or woven.  I like the woven look but haven't mastered weaving nor do I have the supplies to try  currently.  Maybe Jay would make me one (I know he would but I need to give him the colored yarn, his eye is suspect).  How is it embellished?  Woven trim or embroidery? Location of trim?
Hair- Worn in two braids with ribbon wraps.  Need appropriate ribbon.
Veil- Round or oval veil of light linen.  worn with a forehead wrap of some kind and often a chin wrap.
Shoes- Turn shoes of leather.  Might go with the older halfboot option. I know very little about this and have no tools for leather work but perhaps I can find someone who does.

Lots of places here to get paralyzed but I just need to make one decision at a time.

I see many of my LJ friends have journals here but only one or two have allowed me access or have accessed mine so I don't see them any more.  It's sad.
The house saga is a disappointing grind.  I took Thursday and Friday after the fourth of July holiday to try to get the deck replaced.
Wednesday we finished tearing out everything and discovered what a slapdash job the builder had done.  There was a lot of shoring up to do.  The stringers were 30 or more inches apart and they have to be 15 and there was no cement around some of the posts and not enough posts to support the deck. So Thursday we spent the morning figuring out what we needed to do and what materials we needed to do it.  Then we went and purchased those supplies, brought most of them home and unloaded them.  That was the whole day.
Friday I went to Mom and Dad's where we set up the saw, cut the Trex boards from their last project into appropriate lengths and loaded half into the trailer.  Mom and Dad had a funeral to attend in the middle of the day so we lost about 4 hours there.  I kept working; I finished cutting the boards with the help of Chris Ballow who showed up to lend a hand.  I took him to lunch and then we loaded a few boards into the car and headed to my house to unload them. I spent some time leveling the concrete pads we'd gotten to support the posts. Mom and Dad met me at the house with the trailer full of the Trex, which we unloaded.  We then went back to get the rest of the Trex and unloaded it at my place, and thus ended the third day. 
Friday we started cutting posts and placing them on squares of tar paper on the cement pads.  We did some digging to put a pad under and existing post and to level out some of the ones I hadn't yet gotten to.  There were seven new posts in all and one that given a new pad.  Then we started reinforcing some of the boards that had been cut out around a stump that has since rotted away leaving collapsing holes and soft soft soil.  We found a sink cleanout that had been previously unavailable and sorted out a way to access it. Thus ended the fourth long day.  We started at 8:30am and ended between 6 and 8 pm each night.  It was long hard work.  But if you look at the pictures, you'd be hard pressed to see any of it at all.  The picture from Wednesday looks about the same as the one from Saturday. It's so frustrating and discouraging.  Now I'm going to have to spend every spare moment between now and whenever I get it done working on it alone.
The sawzall really jammed up my arms and I've got a lot of muscle and nerve pain in my right hand in particular but my left hand also, to some extent.  Capsasum with lidocaine and a thumb brace to the rescue.  Doing my hair is torture right now.  I wake up during the night needing more pain relief and I can only lay on my back- no side sleeping.  I'm actually really glad to be back at work today but I'll have to work on it again tonight when I get home.

It's been more than six months since I've written here and at first it was an accident but then it became a conscious decision.  But I also stopped journaling at home and I miss the reflection that I get when I write.  I don't think daily writing in a journal when it's past bed time but I have to get it done is effective.  I need to have some time to reflect and think in order to get some benefit from the practice.  So hopefully this will be more purposeful.

Back in January, I went home one Friday thinking about all the potential of Salesforce and how to get it going and plans for the development.  When I came in on Monday I was told we wouldn't be implementing Salesforce at this time and I was going to take that time and the time where I was doing HR and Finance and I was going to be doing exclusively Grant support for 50% of my job.  There was no discussion, no conversation at all.  It was a done deal and I had to adjust.  I was angry and hurt and confused. I was looking for other work. But after six months of settling in to the new position, I really like it.  I'm making it my own and I'm doing work that I've known needed done for years, we just didn't have the personnel for it.  I function with fairly high levels of autonomy and coworkers have been very appreciative of the work I've been doing. 

I've also had to train my supervisor to do all my former tasks (which has put a bit of a chip on my shoulder since she's professional faculty doing, exactly what I was doing but was told was only classified work).  We've developed a good team and I'm "topping from below" as it were.  I keep an eye on things and remind her when things are slipping.  I've developed the processes that she's using and refine them when they don't work for her.  But I don't have to do all the annoying things and it's just difficult enough work and outside of her scope that she's not good at it and people notice. I expect she'll get there but it's nice to hear "I sure wish you were still taking care of this, it worked much better then."  I like her and she's been both an advocate and quick to acknowledge that she's leaning hard on me and couldn't do it without me.  (I just got back from 10 days off and it hadn't been done while I was gone). 

The work has been challenging- I just put together a budget for a six year grant that was for up to $6 million a year with a cost share.  It was painstaking, fiddly work but I was super proud of what I accomplished.  I've redeveloped the Research website and we are really close to going live.  I need the primary Web developer to work some super secret magic with a calendar and it will be ready to go.  To do that I've had to interview people and write stories; I'm actively looking for grant opportunities on a weekly if not more often basis and updating the website with those opportunities.  It's challenging to deal with people at the last minute who need "Just some quick numbers," which are, of course, never quick but it's fun to rise to the occasion.  I had an opportunity to have lunch with my mentor and former boss a few weeks ago and I like what he said: "what they don't understand, is that, no matter what they throw at you, no matter what they tell you to do, you take it on and you become an expert."  I'm guessing that's not a common thing but I've mastered quite a few skills in my time here.

When I first decided to give the job a go, I figured to give it a year so that I could get good, marketable skills.  After a couple of months, I sat down with my supervisor to talk about the job.  We both would argue that it's not necessarily a classified position.  There are people doing this work on campus in both classified and unclassified positions.  Together we are compiling reasons why this should be an unclassified position- not the least is that I'm expected to be here to work on grant budgets regardless of my schedule.  I was home sick and had to pull up data on grant proposals so it could be submitted to the provost the following day.  My supervisor asked me to give the job a year and we would try to make the case for a reclassification.  This means I could potentially get a raise at some point in my life- which is not possible in my current position. 

I don't know what's going to happen with Salesforce.  We still need it but I think the Dean is waiting for the university to do a central implementation, including a budget so that it won't be so costly to the College.  I don't know who will take that on because I can't imagine that they will want to release my time back into it now that they've gotten a taste for having grant support.  But we'll deal with that when we need to.  I've gotten a lot of training and I've been encourage to keep up my skills while I'm working in this position. I doubt I'll get to go back to San Francisco anytime soon for more training in Salesforce but the Associate Dean of Research, with whom I'm working closely, would like me to find professional development opportunities in the future that would involve traveling to a conference out of state.

One of the things I appreciate about the position I'm in now is that I have a sense of comradery and teamwork that I haven't felt since my mentor left.  There are three of us working on grant support that have developed a tight knit team.  There are two groups on campus that support the work we do and so I am part of a larger effort.  The administration work has developed a team that includes three of us in the office which includes my supervisor.  That one is still a bit clunky but at least we are all working for the same goal.  I've got a good relationship with my supervisor and we work really well together.   Although the Dean and I have still not yet had any meaningful conversation, she asked my supervisor to put me in the grant support position not because I was the only one available but because she thought I would be good at it.  I appreciate that she is paying attention, even though she's not developing relationships with the classified personnel.  My stress levels are lower and I haven't needed my anti-anxiety medicine for quite a while.

However, in the last two months I've been self-medicating, with shopping sprees.  I don't know what I'm medicating for though so I need to do some digging.   I'm feeling quite pinched financially and am not making good decisions about my finances.  I'm not getting anywhere unrecoverable but I need to have more care.  I think partially, I had the year end catalog change for my Stampin' up! business.  That always seems to take a large chunk of money at this time each year- trying to get the things that are being discontinued for my personal use, and trying to get a good chunk of the new products so I can promote them.  Hopefully that will even out over the next few months.  My income for this last month covered my purchases for this month so that's something.  I also have been informed that it is time to get  a new car.  The mechanic knows my financial reluctance but recommended it anyway so it's time.  I hate the idea of taking on a car loan.  It means I have to cut back on the amount of money I'm putting on my school loans- that's the only way I can potentially afford a good reliable car for my 52 mile round trip to work everyday.  I know I could buy a clunker for less money but that doesn't make sense.  In the long run that will cost more money.  I'm probably looking at a used Ford Edge but I'm trying to get some feedback from the mechanic before I buy.

My hot tub cost me almost $1400 to get working again and I need to service the heat pump, My porch has to be redone this summer but I have no knowledge or tools to do it.  I'm going to have to figure it out though, because no one is volunteering to help. I have some money tucked away for that but perhaps not enough.  My in-ground sprinkler unit has developed a bubbling geyser so I'm going to have to dig that up and repair it. Dad has a whole summer of back surgeries (3) and recoveries scheduled so he can't be of any help with the physical labor that I need although he'd probably armchair quarterback it. I found out that to remove the PMI on my mortgage, I'll probably have to refinance but given that I have a 2.75% interest rate, that's not an appealing option. I think the expenses have been flowing like water and I've just lost my resistance.  It's all taking money so what's a little more.  It feels like I'll never get ahead.

So it's up and down.  Work is ok right now but money just gets tighter.  I guess that's just the way life goes.

September 18, 2017

Well then, let me try to get back on track. I woke up to the sound of rain in the middle of the night. It's been so long, it took me a minute to identify it. Then this morning the fire danger had been reset to low. Thank goodness! I hope it helps to put out the fires raging around the state.
I chatted with Jaymie again this morning and we are looking forward to getting together next week for dinner and company. I'm planning another open house on National Card Making day- October 7th. That will also be fun.

I had a lovely lunch with Jana today. Then we went directly into the all college meeting. Our new dean hit exactly the right note between doom and gloom deficit picture and the potential opportunities. She made it a collaborative challenge and sang glowing praises for the innovative programs we have. It was very well done! When I got back to my desk I found a 25% off coupon for the Eugene Ballet's performance of Mowgli. So I bought my ticket and I'm super excited to go (It premiered in Eugene in 2013 so I was excited to see it come back) . After work I talked to Jay and discovered that I'll get to see him in October. I did some grocery shopping and laundry tonight. I also made a couple of cards for the SoM.

Oh and mom and dad visited an alpaca farm and mom's bringing me yarn!

September 11, 2017

I had a blood draw this morning in preparation for my annual doctor's visit next week. I got to spend a little extra time in reading and quiet meditation. The technician did a marvelous job. She got me in one stick in my elbow...I don't remember the last time I didn't have to have a butterfly in my hand to give blood. People are trickling back from summer vacations and it's nice to see more friendly faces again.

Hmmm... maybe two Thai ice teas was a bit too much caffeine. I feel jittery. I'm keeping my mouth shut though because last time I had too much caffeine I was quite verbose in a Squirrel on coffee kind of way (Hoodwinked).

Noon time positives....I got into the HEDA Salesforce sandbox at least temporarily and have been able to work on some training today. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the scope of this project but this does help some. People are amusing: Air quality observation from Alan Roberts: Looks ok today. Tomorrow, it will reach "3 packs of unfiltered camel cigarettes a day" level. By the weekend, it will probably be back at "assisted suicide" levels. Also I got a lovely affirmation from an unexpected place person today and it was a real mood lifter. My boss lit into me this morning about not telling her I was going to be late and then had to do a little back pedaling when she realized that she hadn't checked where she'd told us to post our leave. There was no apology but I'll take my satisfaction where I can get it.

I enjoyed a quiet night. I spent some time making cards using the new Christmas Quilt bundle. I made three cards total, all of which I like. I also finished all the HEDA training. It has been a sober day of remembrance as well. There have been lots of posts of Sept 11, 2001,  that day we never want to forget but don't really like to remember either.

September 12, 2017

I am so thankful for a sweet friend who has been offering advice and encouragement and who checks in with me almost daily. I hope I am as encouraging to her as she is to me.
I have a meeting with my Salesforce advisor in a few minutes to discuss the project in the terms my dean needs to see. I'm overwhelmed and having trouble figuring out how to get started. I'm hopeful that he can give me some direction and he was super about getting back to me as soon as he knew I was drowning.
I'm glad I have a coworker who is willing to listen to me trying to figure out what to do next.

I spent a good portion of the day working on a work flow diagram recommended by my Salesforce advisor. It's progress anyway. It's also amazingly complex. So far the people I've run it by think it makes sense. Yeah me! So many issues have been sorted out today that I wasn't originally involved in but had to solve. I'm good at that. I'm irritated about some things but I'm chosing to address it with humor instead of anger. This has lead to some fun exchanges with coworkers who understand.

Tonight we made jerky for Trudi Trudchen Stuber and calculated whether the lowest lottery would be enough to pay off the mortgage and live off of (no). Of course we'd have to buy tickets first. Barring a lottery win we comforted each other on the difficulties inherent in each other's jobs. It doesn't fix anything but it's nice to have sympathy given. Then I dropped off some snail adhesive refills with my mom and helped her set up her new Charge 2 Fitbit. When I came home I worked on cards for a couple of cousins. Doing for others helps take my mind off my own worries.

September 13, 2017

Good morning, I woke up with a hymn in my heart and that always makes the day start well. It's Wednesday and we are halfway through the week. I decided last night just to let this job stuff roll. I have a job, I will continue to have a job in all likelihood. I have no idea what all it will consist of but I know I'll be working on Salesforce and otherwise filling in with other tasks I've probably done before. All the angst and anxiety about my PD just isn't worth it. If, when I get done with the big push on Salesforce, my other duties are not what I want, I can look for another job. Or maybe things will sort themselves out in the mean time. There is no sense borrowing trouble or stealing joy from today by worrying about tomorrow. I realize that this is easy to say and not so easy to do but I'm working on it.
I was blessed by yet another sweet, short, text conversation with Jaymie who keeps helping me put things in perspective. I look forward to our morning "chats" so much now.
I tried a new shampoo and conditioner today. My hair feels great and looks good but I'm not very happy with the smell.  I'm going to try mixing essential oils with it to see if I can make the fragrance more likeable.

I had a lovely luncheon sitting on the patio by myself. It was quiet and refreshing. I've done a little more workflow mapping today and have talked to several people who have confirmed that it works so far for them. I've had lots of email requests but so far it's been a pretty low stress day.

The afternoon was busy and productive. I left on time and had plenty of time to make and eat dinner and walk to meeting. It was a wonderful meeting, as usual. I remembered to start the water when I got home from work so the front flowerbeds and the garden got watered. I finished all the seams on Ceridwen's tunic and the hems at the wrist. I only need to do the hem and attach the trim.


September 14, 2017

I posted some information about the biology of sex and engaged with some people in a respectful conversation about how that translates to biblical scripture.  It was informational really- because I've heard too many of my religious friends say disparagingly that sex is obvious at birth.  I wanted to make the point that it's really, really not.

Oh man. This day could die a fiery death so I'm hunting for positives while I try to breathe on my lunch break.
I guess I'm glad I'm needed. I'm not a 98 lb weakling so that emergency furniture move that has to happen immediately is something I can handle (not sure about the 500 lb table top but I'll figure it out- breathe!).
This morning I had a hymn on my mind again (337, Counted in, if you are curious). Anxiety levels are high today but at least I am aware and can address it more rationally.

I am tired- physically and mentally but I got almost all of the furniture moved and I got the help lined up to disassemble the one piece I couldn't manage. My new helper was impressed I was able to empty it out so quickly. I'm glad someone appreciates the work I do- really, not sarcastic. It's not my first rodeo here. I got to get a nice hug from a friend and catch up for a few minutes. It's good to remember that Tam is back on campus- we used to take walks together during the day when we worked together. Maybe we can do that again once in a while. She had some solid advice that I will work on. Now I'm debating whether I should go get sushi before I go home and sew or whether I should just go home and have a cheese quesadilla for dinner. Sushi sounds good but it's definitely more expensive. I can afford it right now.

Well it's a little late but I just finished Ceridwen's tunic a day early! I discovered today how great a support network I have. They can't fix things but they support me through them. It's seriously larger than I imagine especially when I'm down I really appreciate all of them. I got to see my mighty hunters at work. Simon brought in a huge moth from the garage and, of course let it get away. Have no fear though, after much romping, stalking, and caterwauling by both cats, Helix successfully caught, and ate it.



September 15, 2017

Well, today I find out what my job is going to be. I've decided to try to not stress about it. As Tam Belknap told me yesterday- there will be something about the job I like. I just have to find it. It should all be fairly familiar as well unless something dramatic happens which I'm not expecting. I do have butterflies. I'm going to be fairly busy between now and my meeting though so no dwelling on it. Yeah for the end of ambiguity.

It's Friday, anyway! Since I finished my sewing last night, I have time tonight to do whatever I want after I get my stuff together for the event.
That may mean mowing, but you know- I like the look of a fresh mowed lawn and it doesn't take too long.

Yeesh! That was a lot of angst for a whole lot of nothing. My position really hasn't changed that dramatically but they actually have added some decision making responsibility, just in different ways. There is a lot of streamlining so somethings I won't be doing, just because they don't need doing any more. More later, I have to go move furniture again.  OUCH! I just got my fingers stuck underneath three table tops. I don't think anything is seriously damaged but I may lose a fingernail and have some good bruises. I currently have lines across my fingers in two places.  But all the furniture has been moved.

I had a nice lunch with a coworker today. We got all the furniture moved and I got the attic space organized. My meeting with my supervisor went fine. There were no major changes, not even the ones I expected. She did encourage my input and will continue to work on it with the feedback I've given her. She also wants me to continue to think on it and we'll meet again in a couple of weeks. She also assured me that everyone is feeling the strain of the ambiguity and change. I think it was her way of telling me to toughen up but it worked all the same.


September 16, 2017

I got out the door on the dot of 6:30 which was exactly when I wanted to leave.  Then I got to have Chai to speed my on my way.  The event is 2 hrs and 54 minutes away and I want to be there no later than 9:30.  It's a fairly easy drive down i-5.  I've packed a lunch but don't have much else.  I'll be busy so I won't be posting mid day.

Such an interesting and mixed day today.
I was watching Sverre on the field as marshal interacting with the fighters and the royalty and I realized quite clearly, he's ready. Apparently the counsel and crown agreed because he's on vigil for knighthood now.

The impromptu bardic circle was lovely to listen to. I didn't know the music so I couldn't really sing along but it was fun.

I appreciate Vestia Antonia Aurelia popping by several times with hugs and kind words today. I have met some wonderful people in the SCA.

There are emotional and touching moments at these events, like Durin cutting off pieces of his belt today to give to fighters in the list (He's assuming it's his last reign- five is about enough) and awards given that thrill and surprise the hearts of the recipients. Beautiful moments!

I am struggling to figure out what to do with the SCA in my life.  I don't have enough time for everything and I don't know that the SCA needs me.  I posted a whole angsty post about it which doesn't fall into the being positive posts but I may post in a separate post.

September 17, 2017

It's raining finally!  They are expecting a drencher of a system to be here in the PNW for the next 1-2 weeks.  I'm so glad, we need it to put out all the fires and clear the air.

I had a quiet day. When my alarm went off it made me cry, literally. I had a headache, my stomach hurt and I ached all over. So I called and let people know I would be staying home, took some anti inflammatories, and went back to sleep for 3.5 hours. When I woke again my head felt a little better and my stomach issue resolved itself. I still ache tonight but I'm guessing that it's the weather change causing that. I decided to slice up the pile of tomatoes and get them on the dehydrator. Then I worked on finishing the tunic I had carried with me yesterday. When I finished it, I did my dishes and made up some food for the week. Then I was able to sit and knit. I maybe should have made some cards but my brain isn't working creatively today. Now I'm going to put the clean clothes away and go to bed.

I sure missed meeting this morning.  I needed to sleep off the headache and other issues but I could have used the uplifting of the spirit.  I'm glad I feel that way.  I'd worry about my own spirit if I didn't.

September 6, 2017

Morning positives: I have lovely nails that don't require polish (I need to remember that before the manicure next time since it only lasted about 10 hours).
The smoke has lifted a bit but I was able to order masks online when the local stores were all out. They should arrive tomorrow.
Some places in Oregon have gotten a little bit of rain and the winds in the gorge have shifted so the fire isn't running as fast.
I have friends who send encouraging and spiritual texts once in a while.

Multinomah Falls seems to have escaped the worst of the fire.  The lodge was also saved:

Thank goodness for these firefighters.

I had a good conversation with our ADR about how to handle my current situation. She had some good ideas and now I need to do some hard work to make my future better. I'm glad she is my friend as well as our Associate Dean.
I had a nice bahn mi sandwich and a good book to read at lunch.
It's been nicely cool today which helps make the air feel better even if it's not.

Good meeting tonight, as usual. We were very small in number but that didn't change the spirit. I have several RSVPs for Saturday! Yeah!! Im planning lunch and wondering what sorts of things people will want to do. I'm looking forward to that. I cleaned out the dishwasher tonight so I won't accumulate a sink full of dishes that have to be cleaned by Friday night.

September 7, 2017

It rained enough overnight to make my car muddy but it seems to have cleared the skies just a little. I got a very nice harvest of green beans this morning. I've been fretting about the work the ADR told me to do, it involves a conversation with the dean. I have been concerned about the outcome but I realized this morning that the worst possible outcome is just that nothing changes. I won't be any worse off if that happens than I am now. I suppose the Dean could take exception but I really doubt that will happen and really, again, the outcome isn't much different than things are now. I'd be thinking about looking for a new job. So, I need to just do it and quit fretting- fretting doesn't do any good anyway.

I had a lovely lunch at Mongolian Grill with Sara Dancer. It was nice to see her. It's been a while. Mongolian grill is also a lovely place to eat with good food and a CLEAN bathroom (smells clean). I can adjust my food to meet my dietary restrictions there. Had a fun conversation with my coworker after lunch. Lots of giggles and I finally fixed my inbox so that it doesn't fall down any more, maybe. It's amazing what you can do with a rubber band and two paperclips.



I got this cute picture of the Godson who apparently felt the need to cuddle into the dragon blanket I made him.



I'm feeling great this evening. I don't know why but I'm not going to question it. Perhaps it's this little guy (below). I fell in love with him today. I found goat and sheep's milk cheese at Trader Joe's for significantly less than Market of Choice. It's different brands but it's the difference between $25 for cheese or $100 for cheese (it's about a lb of cheese). It's worth a try! I got a new laser level today. My old one drained somehow so there was no water to float a bubble. I keep trying to put up these shelves but I've been trying to charge the battery on the wrong drill for several days. Now I that I have the correct one plugged in we might get somewhere. I'm cleaning house in preparation for my open house but it's really not too bad. A little tidying and a quick sweep, mop, and toilet scrub and I'll be ready.



My coworkers think he needs a name.