Derailed!

I took a vacation day today thinking I would get a little rest and get caught up on some of the stuff I haven't been able to get done.

The plan was to sleep in, then get up and mix a big batch of zucchini bread. Then, while it was cooking I'd take a shower and get started on my sewing. I was going to whip up the knit dress and then cut out something else. When the bread was done cooking I would whip up the next big batch and get it in the oven and continue my sewing. That was the plan.

I did sleep in and I got a sextuple batch of zucchini bread into the pans and into the oven. Then I got into the shower. As I was lathering up my hair I smelled... Fire!

I jumped out of the shower and ran, naked and dripping with shampoo running down my face, to the kitchen where smoke was pouring out of the oven. A quick glance told me that there were flames coming from a spot on the element and they were growing not diminishing. I started pulling the pans out so I could reach the flames. The house was filling up with black smoke and a fine mist of ash was falling everywhere. I turned off the oven and threw water onto the fire. It went out immediately. I turned in a circle, surveying the disaster, turned on the fan and opened the back door, then climbed back into the shower. I figured I couldn't do much until I had rinsed my hair and put my clothes on. The thick smoke gagged me as I finished rinsing off. I wrapped a towel around myself and opened every door and window in the house, including the front door. Then, feeling extremely vulnerable, I raced to dress.

Once dressed, I returned to the kitchen. The water that had run off of me while I was putting out the fire had mixed with the ash to create puddles of mud. Everywhere I looked, the kitchen, the bedrooms, the living room, everything was covered in a fine dusting of soot. The mess was overwhelming and I had no idea where to start with the clean up.

While dealing with the fire, I was disturbed to realize that the fire alarm had not uttered a single sound. The first thing I decided to do was to replace the battery. That accomplished I grabbed the extending arm duster off of my vacuum and started knocking down the now thoroughly blackened and disgustingly visible cobwebs from every corner of my house. With that done I started looking for my Swiffer duster to take care of the surfaces. It should have been under the sink but I couldn't find it. I had to drag everything out from under the sink to find it tucked all the way in the back. Having reorganized that entire cabinet, I finally took to dusting the living room. Wiping off the hutch, everything I could possibly knock over or off I did. Photos fell behind the hutch, unplugging the computer from the monitor and the cord from the video phone. At this point I just sat down and cried.

I tried calling my parents, but they didn't answer (not that I was surprised, this seems to be a theme and mom had said they were going to try to go swimming). So I posted on Facebook and avoided the whole mess for a few minutes.

Finally, I stopped crying and went back into the kitchen. A quick assessment of the zucchini bread told me that I was going to have to chuck all six loaves. It was so disheartening! I filled the mixing bowl with water and realized that my hands were completely black. I tried washing them to minimal effect. So I grabbed a plastic grocery bag out of the recycle and dumped pan after pan of half baked bread into the bag. Then I carried the bag to the kitchen garbage. When I turned to go back to the sink, I discovered great glops of goo every 18 inches. There must have been a hole in the bag. Dough ran down the side of the sink, onto the box of tonic water, down the side of the garbage can and several places on the floor. Then, I really cried. I wiped up the messes and rinsed off the gooey tonic water bottles. And then I just sat down and wailed. I couldn't do anything. My hands were still black. My knitting and my sewing are white. So I sat and looked at the mess and wondered how in the world I was ever going to get it all cleaned up.

Finally, I just started wiping down kitchen surfaces with Clorox wipes. The first few just made mud. But little by little I got the surfaces clean. When the oven was cool, I wiped it out with paper towels and Windex.

I finally reached my parents who told me to just come over and we would try to get it cleaned up later but they also reminded me to call the property manager. So I called and he came right over. He didn't quibble, he just called the appliance store and bought a brand new self cleaning oven with a lovely stovetop with two big burners. He made sure the would deliver it today and he fussed over me like a mother hen.

That was 3:00 but they couldn't deliver until after the store closed at 5:00. Therefore, any plans to leave the house had to be put on hold. So I cleaned up the mud on the floors, had a close encounter with one of my web weaving interior decorators, and order lasagna to be delivered. I knocked over just about everything on the counter as I tried to tear off paper towels and I ruined my yoga pants when the lasagna splashed into my lap as I tried to dish it up. I also talked to Candy and watched an episode of Disappeared while I waited.

Eric, from Nielson's, arrived about 5:30 with a shiny new range. The installation wasn't easy but he was cheerful and pleasant. He made sure I knew how to use all the functions of my new range before he left. It's pretty and shiny and much better than my old one but what a way to get it!

I did finally get to mom & dad's and I managed to bake 8 loaves of zucchini bread and do my laundry but I got nothing else accomplished. So much for catching up-I'm now much further behind and I still have a mess to clean up. Tomorrow is a wedding and Sunday is church and a birthday party. Clean up will have to happen after work next week. *sigh*

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