Phew...Tired...

This weekend I went to Midwinters. At first I felt like it was going to be another event that cemented my "Meh" about the SCA but it turned out to be ok. My favorite part was talking to Nadezda about my feelings regarding the SCA. It felt good to be validated about those feelings and to hear her agree that my tenure as Seneschal was a very difficult time period for the Barony. I'm sure that most people didn't know about it because there was a lot of stuff going on behind the curtains that we couldn't talk about; some of it was obvious. It was nice to know, from someone who was my Kingdom superior, that it wasn't my imagination that the experience sucked. It sucked a lot of my love of the SCA out of me. It has made me reluctant to have a job in the SCA, even though I know that working is what makes me happiest. I understand that the kind of work I do in the SCA is very like what I do in the modern world, because that's what I'm good at. However, after a long day of work, I don't really WANT to do more work just like my job. Ned understood that very clearly; I think she has similar feelings. But we both agreed that the people keep pulling us back when we otherwise might drift away.

I need to find a way to get my geek on with the SCA again. Costuming is always going to be my favorite part but the time period and culture I love, I can't wear so I'm looking for alternatives that I can love. For now, I've got bright happy silks but no real documentation of anything. Nadezda is going to try to hook me up with someone who has a little more knowledge of the culture I'm leaning towards.

After that conversation, I gravitated towards the gate corner where we gathered a group of like minded individuals working on odd projects and having great conversations. THAT! THAT is what I miss!

I was disappointed not to get to spend much time with the group from up north. They spent most of the day in Ithra courses which I didn't take this time. I got to say hello to Elizabeth and Gwen in passing but that was about it. Ah well, such is life.

The feast was very good although I ended up being WAY too full. I do want to get Alesaundre's panforte recipe- it was yummy! Lots of candied ginger. I think this is a project for Trudi, Marian, and I!

Of course, going to the event meant that all the chores I would normally do on Saturday had to be fit into Friday and Sunday night. I had a plan of attack for Sunday night but when I got home I discovered that my dishwasher had not drained again and that just derailed everything.

I also determined that, by the end of the day, I'm too tired to want to exercise. So this morning, I got up at 5:00 and spend 20 minutes doing my Zumba work out. It felt great but after about three hours at work, I felt exhausted. I still think I'm going to try to continue but I really need to sleep more. For the last 12 days or so, I've been catching sleep in two hour blocks of time, waking up almost predictably on the even hours. I have no idea what is causing this but I hope it stops soon. I may have to investigate some sleep aids if it doesn't. I've also been experiencing panic attacks but I have nothing particular that I'm panicky about. There doesn't have to be a reason- I have a panic disorder but I haven't had any real big issues for quite a long time.

Anyway, such is life in my world. Nothing extraordinary- life simply goes on.