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When worlds collide....
Feb. 20th, 2011 10:56 pmTonight two of my worlds collided...
As I always do when I am home and not ill on Sunday afternoon, I went to our afternoon gospel meeting. And ran smack into a friend from the SCA who had been invited by a mutual friend. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to see him and the invitation is always open to anyone who wants to come but it made me do some hard thinking about my life.
It made me wonder, am I ALWAYS being what I should be? Is there anything I have done in the SCA that I wouldn't want my church family to know about? Have I always lived up to my standards even when I truly thought no one was watching? Because face it, the SCA is about as liberal as they come and my church is about as conservative as they come...the chance that I would cross those two sets of friends, never even really occurred to me. The SCA is the one place where, if I wanted to, I could likely let my hair down without much fear of anyone finding out. And I know for the five years that I wasn't going to church, that's exactly what I did. I can regret that, but I can't change it. I don't know what this person saw then. I don't know if they see that I'm trying to do things differently now. I can't fix that.
What I do know, is that it shouldn't matter who I think is watching. I should always live as though someone is watching because, maybe they are. Maybe I could be a good example to someone instead of a bad example. It doesn't matter if I am living up to or above YOUR standard...am I living up to the standard that I/the Lord has set for me? Because even if I meet your standard, if I don't meet my own, I still haven't done what I should have done. Certainly I fall short and I make mistakes. I've never been perfect and I don't ever expect to be. But I do want to be doing everything I can do to live up to the standard that I see as my goal in every setting. Just trying to live a good life when people from church can see it is hypocritical. I want to be more than that, I want my beliefs and my standards to be part of every part of my life. I hope I'm working my way towards that...
And I hope, that this person will see that I'm different than I was and let my past lie buried where it belongs.
As I always do when I am home and not ill on Sunday afternoon, I went to our afternoon gospel meeting. And ran smack into a friend from the SCA who had been invited by a mutual friend. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to see him and the invitation is always open to anyone who wants to come but it made me do some hard thinking about my life.
It made me wonder, am I ALWAYS being what I should be? Is there anything I have done in the SCA that I wouldn't want my church family to know about? Have I always lived up to my standards even when I truly thought no one was watching? Because face it, the SCA is about as liberal as they come and my church is about as conservative as they come...the chance that I would cross those two sets of friends, never even really occurred to me. The SCA is the one place where, if I wanted to, I could likely let my hair down without much fear of anyone finding out. And I know for the five years that I wasn't going to church, that's exactly what I did. I can regret that, but I can't change it. I don't know what this person saw then. I don't know if they see that I'm trying to do things differently now. I can't fix that.
What I do know, is that it shouldn't matter who I think is watching. I should always live as though someone is watching because, maybe they are. Maybe I could be a good example to someone instead of a bad example. It doesn't matter if I am living up to or above YOUR standard...am I living up to the standard that I/the Lord has set for me? Because even if I meet your standard, if I don't meet my own, I still haven't done what I should have done. Certainly I fall short and I make mistakes. I've never been perfect and I don't ever expect to be. But I do want to be doing everything I can do to live up to the standard that I see as my goal in every setting. Just trying to live a good life when people from church can see it is hypocritical. I want to be more than that, I want my beliefs and my standards to be part of every part of my life. I hope I'm working my way towards that...
And I hope, that this person will see that I'm different than I was and let my past lie buried where it belongs.
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